she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
