sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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