You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
