i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
