Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
