Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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