Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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