I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
