everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
