i just wanna soil my oats bro
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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