he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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