after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
