I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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