You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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