I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize