Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
