Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize