Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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