She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You are the jesus of drinking
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
