Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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