She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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