our cab driver is having phone sex.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
is it fun? or sober?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
