i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
