direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
