I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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