Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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