These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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