i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
