Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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