your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
do herpes really smell.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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