if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
