i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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