your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize