I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
