Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
