I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
