god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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