I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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