Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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