Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
