She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
