i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
