Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize