I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
