You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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