i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
