stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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