I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
