when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
