we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
