a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
