I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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