He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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