I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
