His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
