you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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