you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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