Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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