Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize