He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
