Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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