She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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