Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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