Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
