I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
They took my balls.
I have fence marks all over my body
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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