she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
