You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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