he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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