In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think my moral compass just broke
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