it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
